They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
