Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
