i think my tv is drunk
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
