Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
