turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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