: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
