4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
