yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
