he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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