My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
