You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
