Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
