I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
