ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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