We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
