we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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