He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
