My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
