College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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