i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
