Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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