Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
