Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
