I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I need help removing her.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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