put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
