I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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