Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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