I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Never underestimate the power of titties
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
