maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
