I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
