you guys were way drunker than both of me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
