My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
