Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Everything about him screamed your future.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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