Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
