remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
