i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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