Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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