i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
