First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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