Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
