Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
