it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
