You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
