You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
