...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
