Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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