dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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