That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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