we have pet lesbian snakes
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
