Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
