I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Randomize
