I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
